3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
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