i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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