Someone shit on the floor
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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