the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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