y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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