i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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