look no pants
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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