How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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