wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
