If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
