I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
