My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
