She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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