When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
pray to the hookup gods
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize