I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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