Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think i got beer on your cat.
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