i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
