bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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