YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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