You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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