the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
