Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
