Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
