i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
