I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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