I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
