i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
