i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
