he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
