Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
