If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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