Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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