I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
