i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
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We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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