Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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