you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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