Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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