guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize