By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
