I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
