We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
