just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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