I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
