I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
