We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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