I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
