hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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