We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
