my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
