At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
