i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
