3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
