girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
