I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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