dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I didn't notice because vodka
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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