Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
