you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
