And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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