..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
