I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.