I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...