dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...