What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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