11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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