yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
