just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
