maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
