So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
