He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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