one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i think my cat just said my name.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
