I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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