i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
